For People Like Me
If you’re like me you know what it’s like to live in your head. You understand the weight of carrying a world on your shoulders, you’ve experienced the sigh of hesitation upon being prompted to share what you’re thinking about, to which the only proper response is,
“What am I NOT thinking about?”
The world inside your head, though heavy and overbearing is sometimes less complicated than the world outside it, it serves as an easy place to escape to when things get intense…It is a safe place to hide from conflict.
If you are like me and you don’t like conflict, you know how to hide when you need to. You’ve developed social mechanism to avoid confrontation. You take pride in mediating said conflict and helping people find common ground. You get overwhelmed when people are sad, angry or hurt because you so desperately wish you could be part of their healing process.
If you’re like me you often wonder about your own “healing process.” You wonder if there are experiences and people you will meet in your life who will help you overcome your worst enemy: yourself.
If you’re like me, you’re learning to love yourself, especially when yourself seems to have a different agenda than the one you’ve planned out for your life: one rampant with self-destruction and lies. Sometimes it’s a war, one that distracts from the other need and desire to be there for others. One that makes the worlds collide, the inner and the outer one. One that creates a lot of — you guessed it — conflict!
If you’re like me, then maybe you’re learning that conflict is not always so bad. You are learning that chaos is the breeding ground for wisdom and revolution. You are learning to see your inner world and outer world are not completely divorced but are so deeply related. You are learning that conflict helps you confront yourself and see your deepest and ugliest sides, but it can also reveal the beauty that helps you fall in love with yourself. You are becoming aware that people are messy and sometimes that mess does not need to be mediated and subdued…sometimes that mess needs to be lived through.
Maybe you’re on the path to learning how to share the secrets in your head, in that world, and in that space with the outer one. Maybe you’re willing to discover that sometimes submitting to the conflict allows you to let others into your healing process. Perhaps you need to be told that your shoulders are heavy and you need to be distracted from the eternal loop of problem-solving that happens in your mind. Sometimes you need to laugh.
But maybe you’re not like me. Maybe you’ve got your own set of personal circumstances, your own way of thinking, being, and living with others in this world. Maybe you don’t understand any of this and you wonder what kind of nonsense you’re reading…But if you’re not like me, and you’ve read this entire post: I am so glad you’ve stepped in, walking through my mind, I hope you feel loved and understood...I hope you sense my burden for humanity, yours and mine, but most importantly: ours. Thank you for being with me on this journey through my mind…
If you find any peace there, keep it.
Originally published on medium.com on March 30, 2017.